It's not easy churning out the laughter for a desperate America. The hours are long. The coffee grows cold. The meat on the deli platter begins to sag and take on the hue of a week-old hematoma. Which all adds up to the fact that the folks who do the show are on vacation this week, so no new Soup Clip of the Day. Thus, the Soup Blog offers this humble clip. It's not unseen, but it's a peach.

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Once again, comedy’s Joel McHale is packing up his watermelons, gigantic hammers and 8x10 glossies and taking them on the road.

This weekend, the road goes all the way to Alaska, where it never gets dark and where everyone drinks and fights all the time but they never really get hurt because it’s a magical, sweet-smelling place. So that’s where Joel’s going. Lots of Great White Northern Soup fans have written in about this show, so here’s your heads-up: It’s this Saturday, Aug. 23 at 7 p.m. at the University of Alaska in Anchorage.

Then, on Aug. 29, our beloved Soup master can be found at the Budweiser Events Center in Loveland, Colo., where in the first part of the 20th century, the main crops of this agriculture-based community were sugar beets and sour cherries.

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You’d have to be as old as two Miley Cyruses and one Bonus Jonas (give or take a few months) to remember who Mark Spitz was, but back in ’72, the magnificent athlete left the Munich Olympic Games with a whopping seven gold medals in his Speedo hamper. A tough record to beat, but one that Sports Illustrated cover boy Michael Phelps has trounced with his eighth first-place win.

The Spitz reaction? “You know, you weren't born when I did what I did. I'm sure I was a part of your inspiration, and I take that as a full compliment,” the ex-swimmer—who was not even invited to the Beijing games—told NBC. “They say you judge one's character by the company that you keep, and I'm happy to keep company with you.”

At press time, crack Soup Blog reporters were unable to confirm the veracity of a supposed outtake from the interview: “Now let’s see you do that with a mustache, punk!" sputtered Spitz, who took the golds despite the water drag of his trademark facial hair. "Grow a trash ‘stache like my ’72 lady rider and let’s hop in the deep end. I’ll show you who’s boss, aqua man!”

Gaz Shirley/Jennifer Buhl/PacificCoastNews.com

Despite the furor over Ben Stiller’s hit Tropic Thunder and its depiction of “retards,” we can all finally put things into perspective thanks to venerated comedy arbiter Matthew McConaughey. “There's a lot of protests surrounding the pic, but if you see it, I think you'll agree that all the 'touchy' humor is in context, and in no way mean spirited or irresponsible...its just funny,” wrote the star in his personal blog, utilizing as always his handy, free-flowin' style of writing learned at the University of Texas, his alma mater. So relax dudes, trust the M-Dawg. The retard stuff is totally cool. You heard it here first.

It’s not just anyone who has the moxie and cojones to tell Kathy Lee to shut her yap and pay attention (specifically addressing "chatter issues," God love him), but then Sam the Cooking Guy is clearly not just anyone. This bracing clip comes from Soup aficionada Jennifer (thanks!), all the way from San Diego, where she is presumably staying quite classy. Just like Sam, whose recipe for good manners is not only palatable but will probably keep him in San Diego. If Kathy Lee has anything to say about it.

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Who needs that Mr. Bubble guy after all? We're getting our Monday off to a squeaky-clean start with the Hoff!

As the Internet is abuzz with massive traffic after today’s press conference with Tom Biscardi and his alleged evidence of the recently discovered body of bigfoot, northern Georgia bigfoot impersonator Lucas Pugh—whom we reported missing earlier this week—has been found.

“I don’t know what all the dang fuss was about,” stated a puzzled Pugh, who has appeared at area birthday parties, store openings and bar mitzvahs as bigfoot for years. “A man has a couple drinks and takes to the woods for a few days in his bigfoot suit...what’s the big deal?”

According to Pugh, he’d been “sleeping off a good one” in a broken, abandoned freezer. Ironic, as his disappearance coincided with widely seen Internet photos of the allegedly dead bigfoot in an abandoned freezer. Pugh was unaware of the controversy. “What the hell you talkin’ about?” he demanded, yelling through his bigfoot full-head mask. “I’m the only bigfoot man in these parts, I reckon. Someone tryin' to horn in on my business...he’s gonna have him some problems.”

It’s hard to deny the seductive entertainment allure of anything involving rednecks. We here at the Soup Blog have long been enthralled by TV’s finest hillbilly offerings—from Hee Haw to the Dukes of Hazzard to pretty much everything on CMT (Paid Vacation with Pauly Shore, anyone?)—and now we can combine our passion for backwoods entertainment with our second favorite thing: selfless humanitarian work. Specifically, bringing lonely people together, which brings us to Farmersonly.com.

“City Folks Just Don’t Get It!” reads their motto, but we actualy do get it, right here in L.A., and we’re cracking up to prove it. Enjoy their video, where talking livestock apparently are more adept at romance than farmers—particularly one lovelorn woman, who wanders the fallow fields with a corncob.

Jae Donnelly/INFphoto.com

“I love that I'm curvy, but I'm on this major kick to try and lose weight, especially in my butt. I'm just so over it!” Bold words from a woman who’s most notable characteristic is her voluptuous rear end, yet that’s what Kim "The Tush" Kardashian revealed in a recent Radar interview. Now, in a Soup Blog exclusive, we speak with the subject of Kardashian’s ire, her Ass.

“I’ve worked with Kim for a long time, and I’ve always been nothing but supportive,” stated the Ass. “I’ve worn the bikinis, I’ve squeezed into the designer jeans, the clinging gowns, and this is the thanks I get—she’s ‘so over it.’ It? That’s what I am to her? This hurts. You bet it does.”

Kardashian and her Ass have long been teamed and frequently photographed at countless red carpets and Hollywood events, as well as their costarring turn in Kardashian’s notorious sex tape. “Where would she be without me?” demanded the Ass, which is rumored to be fielding offers from top talent—Kate Bosworth, Nicole Richie and Kardashian ex-friend Paris Hilton—in need of Ass. “I won’t confirm anything at this point, though my people have been contacted by Sharon Stone, who’s been unhappy with her ass for years.”

Is there any hope for reconciliation? “If she doesn’t change her attitude," fumed the Ass, "it’s not likely. And you didn’t hear this from me, but I’ve been talking to her boobs, and those boys are none too happy either.”

New York is not only the city that doesn't sleep, it's also the name of a woman on TV! And you won't want to sleep through this nugget of New York honing her Hollywood chops. Snap, as they say. But wait, there's more. See what Joel declares to be his favorite clip of the year. Then make sure you're home by 10/9c tonight to watch the whole show. It's just that simple.

Anyone can tune into the actual Olympics, but it takes a special breed of enlightened sports enthusiast to appreciate The Soup's version, which includes gripping events that involve spitting and vomiting...and Bret Michaels. It's all an amazing shower of gold, to be awarded in full tonight at 10/9c.

It takes a special kind of individual to make the grade in the greatest marketing event humanity has dreamed up, the Olympics. The concentration, the dedictaion, the sheer guts these fine athletes must posseses is nothing short of astonishing. Speaking of which, too bad they don't have a human cannonball category—this guy would make the folks at home proud. Not to be missed is the commentator's instant concern for the broken spring board.